Saturday, September 8, 2018

A little hanging on, A little letting go


Because I have rejoined my writer's group, I sat down today with my "writer's cap" on and as I often do, I started with the title. I also start by re-reading the post from last time.

Wow. I couldn't believe the previous post title was "from mourning to dancing". I hadn't even remembered that!

Since you last heard from me, my mother, who had just received that good news, passed away suddenly on July first, just 2 weeks after the court decision...

I came here today to share about the process, and realized that I had already addressed mourning last time, yes in the title, but also in the years of caring for Mom as she was slipping behind the curtain. Talk about foreshadowing...

Now, back to the title. We have had two major events of letting go in the past two months, one was the passing of my mom, and the other was my son leaving home for college last week. He is still local, but he is no longer living here.

In the case of my Mom, the hanging on is keeping things that remind us of her, having conversations about "remember when? or I liked it best when..." This type of hanging on is a good kind, we encourage each other when we do so.

With my son, I can see that sometimes hanging on is not so good. It's when I start to fret over what he might forget to do, I feel compelled to "remind" him or check up on him to make sure he's following through. That's when I realize it's letting go time.

It's funny, just when I determined to do so, I was blessed in that it wasn't all or nothing because he has reached out a couple times for assistance in navigating his new situation or just to touch base.

In the same way, it's not all or nothing with my mom either. There is no "checking in" as she is no longer with us, so that's a definite "letting go", but there is the legacy of how she would have handled things or what she would have wanted which I  find myself wanting to hang on to as I make decisions regarding her estate. One of the biggest things in that category is that she was over the moon about my son going to the college of his choice.

So while I am letting go of her presence here on earth and his presence in our home, I am hanging on to her grand desire for him and his dreams for the future.

Friday, June 22, 2018

A time for mourning and a time for dancing

Hello friends of myhandsful! After a long hiatus I am back😀

It was a dark and scary place for a while there, which is why nothing public was here. But let me tell you God has done beyond anything we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21).

You may remember that I said we were caring for my mom who has FTD and is in assisted living. After her move, we had some bumps in the road as far as her finances. Mainly there was some disagreement as to whether her cognitive impairment was significant enough to keep her from handling her own affairs. She and I said "no" but others said "very much so". And so ensued a year-and-a-half battle in the courts over her estate.

Along the way, I was accused of elder abuse for receiving funds from an inheritance given to her by her father's widow after she died, and for using them for help in buying a home, helping my kids with braces and summer camp, etc.  Anything used from that account was called in to question, to determine whether it was really used for her, or for my own benefit. While I claimed she had capacity to choose for herself whether to give those funds to her daughter and grandchildren, others argued that she did not have capacity and as her power-of-attorney I was culpable for taking them. It was said I had failed in my fiduciary duty to conserve her assets for her care.

It got pretty ugly I must say, and repeatedly I felt unjustly treated as I was doing so much to make sure she was being looked after, while at the same time being vilely accused. On many occasions, I had said I was willing to pay back the funds if she ever ran short and needed them, but over and over again it was reported that I had adamantly refused. All we really wanted was for her sister to be appointed conservator and Trustee, but we were told over and over that the other side refused. Many times it seemed as though she was never going have things turn out the way she wanted them, and things seemed to get murkier and murkier.

Then last week, we went to court and in a complete reversal, Mom walked away with the outcome she was looking for! All her accounts will be looked after by her sister as conservator and she will have all her financial needs met as well as some of her desires so long as they are approved. It was a complete answer to prayers said on both sides of the matter and was such a relief to all concerned.

You could just feel it in the air, the tight, hateful feelings were replaced by release and understanding -- it was none other than God at work -- and because of the eleventh hour timing, it was even more astounding!

There will probably be a much lengthier series of posts, once all is said and done, to share the journey I have gone through over these years, but right now we are just so pleased for my mom and for all of us who no longer have to bear this weight on our shoulders. Rejoice with us and check back to see what else is happening at myhandsful!